


Fae in the present, Misfortune in the future

by Hazellum



Series: Zadr Week [2]
Category: Faerie Folklore, Invader Zim
Genre: Evil, Fuck the fae, Irken HCs, Irken language, M/M, They're awful, Yes I speak Irken, eeevil, yes I'm a nerd
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2020-07-22
Updated: 2020-07-22
Packaged: 2021-03-05 03:14:26
Rating: Teen And Up Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,316
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/25437499
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Hazellum/pseuds/Hazellum
Summary: Zadr Week day 3! Cryptids. Of course I'm going to do something with the fae, I love to hate them. And there's nothing like a good scary-as-fuck-Fae minster, right?
Relationships: ZaDr - Relationship, Zim/Dib
Series: Zadr Week [2]
Series URL: https://archiveofourown.org/series/1839151
Comments: 3
Kudos: 18





	Fae in the present, Misfortune in the future

**Author's Note:**

> Link to the tranlator for anyone who wants it.
> 
> https://hivebreed.tumblr.com/post/620056356189290496/irken-con-lang-pt-2-heres-a-link-to-part-one 
> 
> https://hivebreed.tumblr.com/post/620045523620167680/irken-con-lang-link-to-part-two-some-notes

"Zim, you don't need to get a faerie rose for my corsage! Do you know how dangerous this is?!" Dib said, looking at the plans he had snatched off of Zim's desk.

"Of course! That's why it's perfect! I, the Mighty ZIM, will do no less than the stunning Fay-Re Rose!' Zim replied, cackling.

"Okay then. What's a Fae's greatest weakness?" Dib asked, crossing his arms and tapping his foot.

"Easy! It's iron!" Zim shouted, sounding triumphant.

"Okay, and what's the reason you can't touch red meat?'

"High iron content! The cursed 'red meats' dare to attack me, the MIGHTY ZIM!"

"Do you see the problem? You can't touch iron, aka the only way to properly defeat a fae," Dib said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"Okay then, you'll just have to come and protect me from the pathetic Earth-dangers!" Zim said, acting as if he'd just solved the greatest problem of the century. Dib knew that even if he said no, Zim would go anyway, so he just sighed and agreed.

"You're going to have to wear a hemlock necklace, though. And no saying your name! It gives them power over you." As the bell rang, Dib walked over to his seat and sat down. The rest of the school day, he was too nervous to pay attention. As the final bell rang a few hours later, he jumped out of his seat and ran out the door.

Reaching home, Dib didn't even bother going through the gate; he just vaulted over the fence and ran towards the garage.

"Shitshitshitshit Where's my fucking sword," Dib said, shrugging on an iron chainmail shirt like it was a hoodie. Searching the garage, he couldn't find his sword.

"Shitshitshitshit Fuckfuckfuckshit" Dib repeated over and over again as he ran inside. "GAZ WHERE"S MY IRON SWORD?!" he shouted, as he ran up the stairs.

"In my room. I used it in a cosplay last week, remember?" Gaz replied, before continuing, "And if you touch my shit I'll kill you."

"Sure whatever!" Dib shouted, not even looking back as he ran to Gaz's room. Dashing in, he grabbed the sword and ran out again before her robo-plushies could activate.

Once he was back on his front lawn, sword in hand, Dib paused to breathe. Zim wasn't even home yet, so he could take a minute. Walking back to the garage, Dib looked through a few of his cabinets and grabbed his stash of dried hemlock. While he waited for Zim to get home, Dib braided the hemlock into a necklace and a couple of bracelets.

With that done, Dib walked over to Zim's house and sat on the front porch. By the time Zim was home, Dib had started polishing his sword, making sure it was sharp. Hopefully, there wouldn't be any fighting, but you could never be too safe when dealing with the fae.

"Dib-Stink! There you are! Can you believe I, the AMAZING ZIM, got detention?!" Zim shouted, stomping towards Dib.

"Wait, what? How weird," Dib replied, thinking of the stack of fifties he'd passed Mrs. Bitters during lunch. Yeah, probably better if Zim didn't know about that.

Placing the hemlock necklace around Zim's neck, Dib tied the ends together tightly. After repeating the process with the bracelets, Dib shrugged and shoved a whole bunch of it in the crevices where Zim's Pak meets his shirt.

When this was done, the two started walking towards the woods to look for a faerie circle. Thankfully, the iron and hemlock would let them keep sight of it once they entered the faerie realm, so they would be able to leave. As long as they didn't get killed, of course.

"Hey, Dib-sweet, come look at this!" Zim said, pointing at a ring of twisted violet fungi that looked almost like rosebuds. This was what they were looking for. Grabbing Zim, Dib took a step into the circle... and they both disappeared.

Feeling the ground beneath his feet change, Dib looked around. Spooky trees, purple air, cyan grass... yup, this was definitely the right place. 

"Alright you Fae fuckers, we just want some roses. Get the fuck out here!" Dib shouted, glaring into the woods. He didn't let go of Zim for a moment.

Whispers echoed through the air, pulling at the edges of Dib's mind, beckoning him into insanity. Grimacing, he threw a handful of salt at the nearest shadow, smirking as it screamed and retreated.

"What isss it you want, hhumanssss?" a voice said, louder than the rest. As it spoke, a face appeared at the other end of the clearing. It stood tall and spindly, a dark shadow across the oversaturated forest. It's yellow eyes blinked, and it seemed to come into focus. It looked like an owl if that owl was twisted and distorted, torn apart and then roughly sewn back together, until it looked vaguely humanoid. Its feathers were a royal blue, its skin a deep vermillion. 

"Your roses. two of them," Dib said, pointing his blade at the chest of the thing.

"Whhat? No tea?" It said, jerkily moving its arms and summoning a fully stocked tea table, laden with sweets.

'listen here, Zashin'ose-mozi Fae shma'shma, ashu fes lash'res. Give us what we want!" Zim shouted, switching between Irken and English in his anger. "Fae ik'izil. Anshe vis'ek. Ze'da Zi-" Zim very nearly said his name before Dib clapped one hand over his mouth.

"As my boyfriend said, help us. Or else."'

"and wwhhy would I hhelp two hhumanss?" the fae said, tilting its head to the side like a puppy. However, where any normal creature's neck would have snapped, the fae kept tilting, until its whole head was upside down, its neck twisting around like a broken twig.

"Humans? Seriously? I thought a Fae at least would be able to see through his stupid disguise," Dib said, pinching the bridge of his nose.

"I only sssee two hhumanss beffore me. Wwhhhat do you sspeak offf?" the fae said, rapidly jerking its head back into a normal position. The crackling of its spine nearly made Dib vomit; it just sounded so wrong, so broken.

"Spaceboy, trust me on this one," Dib said, careful to use his nickname for Zim.

"What is it, Earth-Stink? Wait what are you OOOUCH! WHY THE FUCK DID YOU DO THAT!" Zim shouted, shaking his hand. Dib had dragged the flat of the blade over Zim's palm, burning him.

"Proving a point," Dib said. In a flash-no, it was the opposite of a flash, a flash of darkness- the Fae was standing by Zim and Dib, its back facing them.

"Wwhhy would a Fae asssocciate withh hhhumanss?" it asked, leaning backward, its spine crackling, until it was looking the two in the eyes.

"Not human. Irken" Zim said, grabbing the fae by its scalp and yanking it into the dirt. Stomping his heel against its chin. Zim ground its head into the ground. Leaning down to it, he hissed, "Now give us the roses."

"Wwhhy not? Thiss'll be fun," the Fae said, before disappearing. In its place were two roses. Their petals were a metallic, holographic color. One had a stem of green and magenta, the other of peach and crimson.

"That... that was too easy," Dib said, crouching down to look at the roses. 

"What are you talking about? The fae-creature merely cowered before the MIGHT of ME, the AMAZING ZI-" before Zim could finish his sentence, Dib snatched up the roses and tackled him, diving back through the portal.

"YOU NEARLY GOT US BOTH KILLED!" Dib shouted, livid.

"But I didn't!" Zim laughed, before grabbing the rose with the peach and crimson stem and running off.

Groaning, Dib stood up to walk home. He still felt uneasy though. Looking down at the rose in hand, he noticed just how sharp its thorns looked. He'd have to be careful.

**Author's Note:**

> How was it? Comments are appreciated.


End file.
